Yesterday I had a phone court hearing to finalize my divorce.
I honestly am not sure how I feel, probably because it was on the phone and not in person. A couple of weeks before the hearing I decided to stop also dating. I had been dating for about five months with awful luck.
I realized with the first couple of men I talked to I lacked setting boundaries, but as time went on I became more strict with boundaries [as in all aspects of my life].
I was tired of being someone’s back up plan, tired of men dumping their issues on me, tired of being told I had too many kids and tired of being told I had no value because I couldn’t have kids because my tubes are tied (which technically I can still through IVF).
I’ve heard it all.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have our baggage, but it’s another thing to dump it all on someone else.
I even had a guy want to know where I was at all times and questioned everything I did. I already came out of a toxic relationship, I wasn’t planning on getting into another.
I saw one of my good friends for lunch and we talked for a bit. She said she didn’t think I’d get to “this” point; meaning the minute a man does something wrong or I know I am just their back-up option, I call them out and break it off.
I don’t waste my time anymore, I’m almost 33. I’ve come to a point where I am happier alone then dealing with someone who places their issues on me. I used to give 110% to someone when I felt like deserved it, but more often than not, they just took advantage of my selflessness. I know my worth and if that means being alone then so be it.
My kids are my #1 and I plan to devote all my energy to them.
On my off days I know to focus on myself first; working out, reading, blogging, cooking, taking a bath and watching Blacklist (I’m obsessed).
When I am done filling my cup, I’ll do things for the kids; prep arts & crafts, bake muffins, make cookies, deep clean their room and so forth.And you know what?
I’m more satisfied and fulfilled than I have been in quite sometime. ❤