I am not sure where I’m going with this post, but here we go.
A while ago, I had been dating someone for almost a month and had a bit of a breakdown. He has been so nice and such a great person that I started to look back at my previous marriage. I couldn’t believe that there were so many red flags in the beginning stages of my relationship with my ex that I let slide because I felt it was normal. Every day that I talk with this guy or we spent time together, I noticed that I was “waiting for him” to mess up.
I couldn’t believe that I lived on edge like this for almost six years with my ex.
Ultimately, this stems from childhood.
My parents fought a lot growing up and while I love them to death, it does weigh on you as a kid. You can sense when a fight is going to happen and it gives you that pit of anxiety that is just unhealthy. Hence why my mother wanted me to break the cycle so I wouldn’t have to put that on my children.
My parents felt the kids “need two parents living together;” I in turn felt the same way. Many people I know do stay together for “the kids.” Some people that I know have to stay together for financial reasons. Some people are just scared to be alone, which is where I also fit it.
I put the fear of being alone ultimately above my children.
I just wasn’t strong enough.
While my ex is a great father, we just did not mesh as a couple. We clashed so much and ultimately had an extremely unhealthy and toxic marriage. While I understand all couples fight, when it gets to that “toxic point” that is clearly unhealthy for the children, that’s when you need to decide what is more important; your [and your children’s] mental health or them having two parents together?
Since I separated from my ex a bit over two years ago, I have grown quite a bit. My ex-husband and I have had many stages that lead finally lead to divorce.
- From separating in December 2018, yet living together [while we figure it all out].
- Then no longer living together in September 2019 and retrying again in October 2019.
- Then separating again in December 2019 and not living together.
- Then retrying again during March 2020 and living back together (due to quarantine).
- To finally separating again in June 2020. and no longer living together as of August 2020.
- To me filing for divorce in December 2020 and officially being divorced as of February 2021.
What a timeline right?
But through all those moments I’ve learn and grown.
I’m proud of myself for having a healthier mindset, especially going into dating and new relationships; learning to set better boundaries and knowing my worth.
As I always say, one day at a time. ❤
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