I’ll admit I’m a bit of a scrooge during the holidays.Over the past couple of years, I haven’t become better about the holidays. But for myself, where I don’t have the kids on whole days of holidays (we split the day itself in half) I just feel empty sometimes.

A bit before Thanksgiving, I was getting major anxiety. I was already sad in regards to the kids but was also freaking out about going to my boyfriend’s dads for Thanksgiving day itself then to his mom’s on the Saturday after.

To him it was a normal thing, but to me it was a huge step. I hadn’t gone to in-law’s/ partner’s parents house for a holiday since maybe 2018?

Clearly it’s been a minute.

I was simply [emotionally] overwhelmed leading up to Thanksgiving day; I just felt helpless. It felt different this year going to my partner’s dad and mom’s for the holiday maybe because I’m divorced?

Maybe because I’m scared to get close to someone again for it to all fall apart?

I know, I know… I shouldn’t be thinking like this. But having been engaged twice, divorced once with three kids it does weigh on your mind.

At least for me it does.I’m still learning. 🌿

This is my third separated/ divorced holiday from my children’s father and it is also my first having a partner again. The emotions I usually feel were no longer hidden; someone was there during my fluctuations of  emotions and that was rough.

But he was A-mazing.

He helped to comfort and console me as best as he could and for that, I am grateful. While it was hard to have someone there during my emotional “breakdowns,” it was nice to not have to face them alone.

One highlight of this holiday week was getting the kids earlier on Sunday. We ended the Thanksgiving week with a 40 minute rainy hike. While it had its rough moments, it was perfect. Just me, him and them enjoying time together but being in nature.Again, I’m STILL learning.One day at a time. 

-Sabs 🌿