Chronic illnesses .

Fibromyalgia was formerly classified as an inflammatory musculoskeletal disease but is now considered to be an illness that primarily affects the central nervous system.

Most of my symptoms began at around 19 and going pretty hard with fitness Because I was constantly exercising and in constant pain, pain became my normal state. The only time I felt a “problem” was when it passed 10, which to most would feel like 20+.

Hopefully that makes sense.

My pain receptors now at 35 are very off due to nerve damage from multiple surgeries and a couple of partial seizures I had in my early 20s. I was diagnosed at 31 but shortly after, my osteoarthrosis (then hip pain) skyrocketed.

For [almost] four years I’ve been focusing on healing those parts as I need to walk, drive and have basic function as a mom with three young kids.

Now that both are [semi] relieved, the Fibromyalgia came to the frontline. I had exhausted my body trying to alleviate one thing only to exacerbate another. I know for me doing Crossfit, heavy body building workouts or teaching twice in a day would affect me for days after. I’m not saying the “oh I just feel sore” kind of pain.

It was more of the “wow I can’t get out of bed because it physically would exhaust me to move” kind of pain. It started to affect me here I had to take down even more work or caffeinate myself severely just to jolt up to get the kids ready for school or even leave the house.

Being the primary caretaker of the household is a big responsibility – if I’m not okay, no one else is.I started spiraling into a depression again and honestly I’m still there but working my way back up.

Essentially, I am “mourning” the loss of what my body used to be. It’s been hitting me hard now at 35 vs. the last few years. Maybe because I was still able to take pre-workout and distract myself. Or maybe because I was always running around working hard as a single parent.

Now that I have been more stable with my life, work[ish] and relationship, it seems as if there are no more distractions. It’s just me and my thoughts that I have to work through. And yes, I know one day I’ll look back and think this whole thing is silly.

Who cares if I can’t be that “cool” mom who lifts and throws heavy barbells around. I’m trying to think the bigger picture; being as healthy as possible for my family. Focusing on being grateful that I can still MOVE my body in some way even if I’m not doing the heavy lifting. Pilates and Yoga are just are wonderful [and maybe even more effective] for my body.

One day at a time, right?-Sabs🌱

***

See HERE for a more in depth Fibromyalgia read.