I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries.
Even since my cousin passed away in mid December (and then my grandmother in January), I let go of most boundaries with my children’s father. I was pretty much a hot mess.
I needed all the help I could get and I am very grateful that he was able to do so.
Funny enough, on the night before the full moon, I realized I had seen their dad practically every day. He would come here at 6:45am, take care of the kids while I slept in until 7:30am. I would get my daughter’s things ready for school and he would then take her to school for 8:15am.
There were nights he’d even come to my house to do bedtime because he got out early and wanted to see the kids. He was coming every morning, most nights… we just both got very comfortable.
It honestly felt like we were still together.
When I approached him saying that we both become very comfortable with the situation, he told me that he was allowed to see his children daily and that if I didn’t allow him that I’d being denying the children the chance to see their dad.
While this is somewhat true, in the end he chose to not work on the marriage. I don’t know any divorced couple with kids where they see both parents daily. Maybe there are situations like that, but all I know is that my boundaries were not happening and I was stressed.
So far, it’s been a week back to boundaries and I feel such a sense of calm. It’s amazes me that a lot of my stress was subconscious – seeing him daily and not having my own space created stress.
I know I need to stand my ground and stick to these boundaries. We are not a couple anymore, we are co-parents and we need to set that example for the kids so they don’t get confused.
If I’m confused sometimes, I can only imagine how my oldest feels.Again, I am thankful that their father wants to see them 24/7 versus a father who was absent. But it isn’t healthy for me or us in the end. Boundaries are important, especially for us.
One day at a time, right?
10 thoughts on “Boundaries.”
Is great for you having the opportunity to count on him when you need him the most. that more like co parenting. but the moment you realized that you started to feel uncomfortable to see him everyday you need to honor your boundaries and appreciate his work and help but that’s that.
I just recently started to work on my own boundaries with few family members and it seem to work with few of them but one of them refuse and tell me that I was rude and selfish so that person do not accept them and I went no contact. it is brutal but Is working. Is important to use boundaries to protect your self.
your mental peace is first. great post!
Thank you so much for this! ❤
I completely agree. I have done that with a family member myself but I found it's just as hard. I'm glad that it's working but I know it is hard to have to go that far. I'm glad you are focusing on yourself! It's not selfish, your peace of mind and sanity is important. ❤
And I do agree, the minute I realized is when I knew even though I appreciate the help him going grocery shopping and such.
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Yes! I always say if mommy is okay everything is okay. Thank you for be open to that kind of topic not everybody talks about it. I feel is very important. Because I learn about boundaries last year at 33! can you Imagine realizing all those things this late in your adult life that things wasn’t correct.